I wasn't the same at the beginning

When I embark upon a new project, or upon a new year, I have certain intentions and desires pouring in the new chosen direction. I bring to it who I am in that moment, informed by my previous experiences.

The template so to speak is already formed. Yet I search the new. I search to create something different than what I had.

Why is it that sometimes the best of intentions don't bring me that which I think I wanted to create?

If what I want to achieve is on a conveyor belt running away from the old, it will not arrive. It will keep running away from that which chases it.

When I run away I function from the comparative mind, the mind that never finds peace with what is. My thought forms might create a new image that is better than the one before, but is it infused with the new me?

A conundrum, it seems.

I have been observing this aspect in Family Constellations sessions. It can appear as an impossibility to truly connect with one's desired outcome. A barrier of sorts sits between the two.

The example I will give is a client who had started her Doctoral thesis a few years back. In the meantime, she moved to a different country, lost important family members, grew and changed in leaps and bounds.

Now as she faces her thesis she finds herself unable to continue. The field between the two seems to be full of estrangement. Her thesis exists in the old paradigm. Where to go from here?

Questioning motives, yes, reflecting on the meaning of the project now, yes, succumbing to family pressure, no. She chose to look at it with Family Constellations.

We eased the heavy weight of guilt and questioning of self-worth by moving further afield. These negative emotions are suffocating, too close to the retina.

The client's representative appeared strong, defiant, unmoving on her feet.

The client's representation had a dialogue with several aspects that were uncertain on their positions, such as Trust, Confidence, Love.

They became supporters and trustworthy allies.

The dialogue with the Thesis aspect revealed a need to assert the New Me and make itself seen.

For a moment both options of continuing or not continuing with the project existed in a simple and true space, void of judgement.

What became apparent is that the strength of the New Me of the client was holding her grounds. She needed acknowledgment.

"I am different now" she said.

"I cannot be the same as when I started"

From there, as a surprise to the client came the unfoldment. She will continue her thesis and she will agree with all of who she has become. This is her true strength.

Sometimes, I find, that we move at different speeds within ourselves. Parts of us grow, parts of us keep an allegiance to old paradigms and patterns of thinking. Up close, we only see the incongruence and we quickly become acquainted with the feeling of unease and inner turmoil.

When we change perspectives, as it happens through Family Constellations, we see something different. A mutually beneficial inner dialogue creates a spacious healing arena.